Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
