i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
