I'm lost and stupid without you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
