Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
