Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
