found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
