I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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