I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
