you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
