Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
