I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
