My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
