Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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