making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
