Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
