No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
