omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
