Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
