you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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