i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Come see our sink grown plant.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
