After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
