shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i already hear my dad disowning me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think my moral compass just broke
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