I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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