meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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