I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
