i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
