Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
