You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
