idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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