Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
