i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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