I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
