Don't you send me to vm
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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