I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
