Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
