I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
