**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
