I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
