I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Who wears a wallet chain?!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
