people are starting to question the shark bite story
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
