Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
