Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
