I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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