Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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