gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
