We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
