At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
