I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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