I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
