I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
