when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
