I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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