So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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