Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
