My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
